08 July 2013
Studying in the Great Outdoors
In this time of transition and limbo, I've been thinking about my life a lot. What was, is and will be. I've been facing a lot of uncomfortableness and some demons as well and even though it's been difficult, I am blessed to have this time. I have also slowly been realizing how many dreams have been manifesting right under my nose...
Back when I worked in my cubicle at TV Guide Magazine, I remember looking at articles online or some Facebook posts of friends who were off doing amazing and varied things. I remember thinking to myself, "How do they manage all that!?" and "How are they paying for stuff???" I thought, "That could never be me." But now here I am...out there doing stuff and I realized that I am one of those people.
Now, I'm not going to lie. My financial state is a bit of a worry but I am resting in the knowledge that everything will work out okay regarding work. After all, I am retraining myself for a different path of employment. I've also been so incredibly lucky because I've had friends and family helping me out a lot. Their kindness is enabling me to coast a bit further on my savings and I am enormously grateful and in awe of how generous and kind people can be. It seems as if someone always comes out of the woodwork, offering help, just when I need it.
Even with all these blessings, I had a bit of a muddled day after going camping last week. I kept wondering what the heck it is that I'm doing, anyway!? And right when I was exhausted by the question, I ended up being the only one in yoga class (it was the day after the 4th of July and I guess everyone was sleeping off the fireworks and BBQ). The teacher and I had a chat during which I brought up the whole idea of me not feeling worthy of this time of rest since I'm not working and earning money, but rather living off of my savings (what I had planned over a year ago for when I returned from volunteering on Iona). She pointed out that even though I'm not "working" right now, that I had worked very hard to be able to have this time! Then we went into the practice and by the end I had a clearer head. Money can bring up a whole slew of different issues within us.
When I had relaxed a bit, I realized that by doing all the varied things I've been doing...living in different places and studying various things...I am creating the layered and eclectic lifestyle I've always dreamed of but never indulged my thoughts in too much. When that occurred to me I was thrilled!
I still have moments of doubt and worry...but all of this is for a purpose I am sure. This time is allowing me to sample all different ways of life, places and ideas. It's helping me clarify what I really want my life to be.
Living counter-culturally on Iona for 7 months and now ironing out future school and more travel plans is sort of what I was daydreaming about in my cubicle not too long ago. So anything is possible if you shake things up and plan a wee bit.
XO
Here are some photos from my recent camping trip:
Jamie was my tent-mate
Swimming Hole
Sitting by the lake at the campground