26 May 2014
"By The Stronger Pull Of What You Really Love."
This has been my favorite quote for a long time now, and I return to these words over and over again. There are periods of struggle and periods of not so much happening. There are times when I work really really hard and am really really clear on what I want...and there are others when I don't know much of anything. One thing always seems to happen though, At some point amidst all this chaos...I let go. And then things start coming to me...
I have decided to own the fact that I sort of suck at dealing well with transitional periods. Even when things are going well! I'm not sure why, and it depends on the circumstances but I admit it, I am not a champ in between times. Maybe it's all the un-knowns staring me in the face, the overwhelm.
This year has been a struggle...all for the greater good, but I forgot myself at times. I got so caught up in the "what ifs" and "hows" and what other people were doing. That is usually when nothing seems to go right and everything feels out of reach. I had moments of surrender, thank goodness...moments when I reminded myself of my essence and why I was on this journey. That is when things started to come to me once again.
I have found that I get bored and depressed when I don't feel like I have a purpose, or when I feel stifled. I also know that I am addicted to Awesome so I can't ever not be doing or planning something I deem amazing in one way or another. I think that always wanting to push or top ourselves is a great way to keep moving forward and learning new things. Take chances or nothing will ever change.
My focus has shifted to the future now that I'm newly graduated from culinary and health coaching school. I have accepted a job as a personal chef! So that means I will be staying in Louisiana a bit longer than expected. I'm really excited to have found a job where I can use all the things I've been studying and doing for the past few years! Who knew that when I was keeping house and cooking for myself...wondering how I could get paid to do all that...that someday I would!
Following graduation, I decided to take some time to re-group and follow what I love once again. The only problem was that, you guessed it, I don't handle transitions well! And I was uber burnt out. I ended up sleeping a lot...and surrendering.
The problem was that throughout the year, and all the learning, I'd gotten so worried about doing things the "Wrong" way that I'd forgotten about MY way.
So, I've been reminding myself with walks, sleeping in, and reading my herbal teacher, Robin Rose Bennett's new book "The Gift of Healing Herbs." I sat outside while my friend's puppy played and immediately got lost in it's pages. It was as if I was back, sitting in her garden once again, learning about the plants (in fact, there's something about the book that makes me want to read it only outside). This was a piece of my essence. Over the past few days I have also reintroduced self care into my routine (massage, pedicure, walks, swimming...and the herbs). I also cooked again after taking some time off from that as well. The puppy has helped, too :)
This is what's happening in my world right now. I'll be staying on in Louisiana, letting myself continue to be drawn by that stronger pull and filling in the blanks with my essence. Sometimes I think we also need to connect the dots along with going with the flow (especially when life throws us things we didn't expect). When I step back and look at where I was a couple of years ago (having a blog is great for this) ...even 1 year ago...I can hardly believe the changes. When I left my job and life in New York for Scotland, just about 2 years ago, I went (with faith) in search of a better life...a better me. Now I am embarking on the life that seemed completely abstract at the time. Iona was, indeed, just the beginning...
Hello, Again! (Walking on Mull - Scotland, 2012. Photo by Dawn Young)
XO
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