04 November 2014
I'm Certified...
I have been thinking about validation a lot lately...in all its forms. Proving our worth, needing/wanting approval. And for good measure, letting go of the past and the need to feel appreciated...
When in a new place and situation, it takes a while for me to figure out who I am within that structure. It happened when I arrived on Iona and it happened all over again when I I started culinary school here in Louisiana.
I haven't been in a school setting in quite some time, so sitting through class and taking notes is quite a throwback experience (and it's much different this time around). One thing that seems the same, though, is my difficulty with the idea of being creative on demand. Back in the day at FIT it came in the form of concept classes for advertising design and now it comes with having to do Quick Fire challenges in the kitchen. I struggle with it quite a bit. I am trying to figure out who I am in that structure. How do I convey my knowledge of food in a timed and slightly foreign environment? So far I am doing okay but for me, tests are not the best showcase of my talent and creativity...
Yet I am seeking validation (and a good grade). It can be an icky place to be at times.
I have also been putting a lot of pressure on myself to do well because, well, I gave up everything to follow this path! What if after all that soul searching and Seeking out my my true essence I found out that I wasn't good at it after all???
Sometimes I get stuck in the difficult moments and start to compare myself to other students. I need to step back and remind myself why I chose to apply to culinary school. I want to combine my herbalism/health coaching/culinary skills to help people lead healthier, more fulfilling lives. So I need to remember that we, as students, are all on different paths...even though right now we happen to be in the same kitchen.
After speaking with one of my lovely new friends, and fellow health coaching student, I have decided that I need to come up with some visual ways to remind myself why I am here. I'm going to do some brainstorming. In my New York apartment I had vision boards etc all over the place. It's more of a challenge to do this when you are living a slightly nomadic existence.
I am going to keep bringing myself back to essence. As long as we remain conscious and aware and present...and keep moving back into that space, we will find our place and things will run smoothly. It's only when we ignore our instincts and push against what is happening that tension will set in and make everything go askew.
Feeling that need for validation is going to be an ongoing process of letting go. The only opinion that matters, in the long run, is mine. I just wish I could grade myself right now :D
XO
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